Everything's goin to be alright??

Right now.. the song... 'everything's goin to be alright, everything's goin to be ok'.. is in my brain rite now.. only that it ends sadly with a question mark.. Well today has been a rather..well no.. let's say confidently good day for me.. I managed to drag my big ass to school plonk myself down.. got started on my mental health assignment one and also did part of my terrorism powerpoint, which kinda look very messy and is taking a long time then I had planned it out to be (it looked so simple in my brain).. ..

Well.. things that are happening at school are really dragging me down.. and so I end up whinning and whinning and bitching and whinning..etc. but then, when I read my dear friends Arafah blog today.. I just felt like kicking myself rite up the ass.. I mean.. goodness.. so many more dear things are happening, which can go wrong and do go wrong.. and yet, they still continue living.. and then happened to go thro' a schoolmate's blog who lost her baby.. I mean.. what could be worse for a mother?? Seriously Arafah, yesh, you say that you are not strong, but then, breaking down doesn't mean that you are weak, it just means that you are human.. and seriously, that ain't bad rite.. cos we are all humans..

It's a start of a new day.. Insya Allah.. let everything work out well

Aftermath

Dr Ngiam has really been sweet.. He is so so so helpful and nice..after knowing that some contacts he gave cldn't help me, he emailed me immediately apologizing and to just let him know any other help/assistance I might need... well I got to talk to my supervisor soon.. about the state of my ISM (or lack of) and also perhaps changing my methodology.. ARggghh!! And what is worst, I have just been sleeping every single time I feel stressed. I feel like I have lost the "I Can Do It" KiTa Boleh Spirit.. Oh .. where for art thou' spirit?? Do come back..

Well.. today I feel much better..after talking to 2 hrs to Edleen..and she trying to "sell" me some guy at one part of the conversation...hahhahaha Cute lah.. but babe.. thanks.. yOu never seem to fail me.. always there.. Best!!

But I am counting my blessings rite now.. Got lobang for one interview.. Convinent sampling.. But I don't know if it will make my paper gd or whether it will make my paper look like I am just doin interview for the sake of doin it.. get what I mean?!! Rite now, I need to make sure everyting i write, can be related back to social work implications..if not..it will look very sociology or even economics-a like...

Blah.. Goin for dinner tonite.. Wld be a good time to chill.. Tommorrow, is a new day, and today, is going to be good cos' it's what I make out of it..

Humm..

A few seconds ago..I tot the world suck..now, I realised, ppl do help each other out.. Thanks man!!

*******

crossing every single thing I have...

Insya Allah... pls let everything work itself out..

This might sound weird.. or that stress and the etc..has got to my brain.. but this wld be such a nice time to develop a crush and fall 'somewhat' in luv.....

Now I sound insane..

order~~

Decided to bring some order to my piles of paper all over my room..went and actually filed my stuff.. so amazing.... I always do it barely 2 wks before exam.. so now my room is quite organized! while puttin stuff in order, it dawned on me the amount of work that I would have to do and all the assignments which are going to be due soon.. Insya Allah everything will turn out a ok!!

Rite now, things with my ISM.. let's just say I dunt wanna think so much about it. Shall just try my best and do whatever is possible even if it means at the end of the day just relying on secondary data.. But then I know that deep down inside I am very stress.. why?? the appearance of a physiological symptom. Everytime I get really stress, I will get this nagging pain on my right shoulder. Irritating, and yet always serves to remind me to relax, take stock and just do my best.

Being social work trained, I should incorporate what I learn into my psyche.. so here it goes.. self-cognitive behavioural therapy... "the way I think will affect the way I feel".. so I going to think positive, so that I can feel positive, and do work well..

An Emlightening Day!!

Watched the Constant Garderner today with Arfah..It's a deeply intriguing, disturbing movie.. Made me question whether saving the world and making it a better place through the use of already established institutions possible...

Perturbing..Nuff' said..

Was a very fun day nevertheless.. And now back to the books.. and like the train leaving the station... I shall start slow but steady..and insya Allah, gain momentum... Chooo...ChooChoo..ChooChooChoo.. (ya get the picture??!!)

New Mantra

Nice the picture??? I drew it on my new little blackboard! It is supposed to gimme inspiration lah.

Have been such a sotong recently! Super Super punye sotong I tell you.. And I am so fed-up lah with the whole state of affairs..I can't stand it..So.. I am just going to try and believe.. have faith..if everything else fails..at least have faith  IN MYSELF that somewhere somehow, I can pull things off.. Insya Allah.

Seeing things in perspective

Sometimes, I think that things have a funny way of working itself out. Have you ever woke up, in total shock, taking time to think what it is you are supposed to do.. well that happened to me today.. I woke up at around 9.50..and I was like ain't I not supposed to be somewhere now?? Then, after a few moments, I realised I got a class at 10 and a test then.. I panicked, screamed.. called my mum.. who got my dad to pick me up.... he railed at me the whole way, saying that I need to change my habit of 'pentingkan' or giving importance to sleep (HEY I REALLLI REALLI NEED SLEEP!!) so anyway, by some twist of luck, I msg Liwei and she said Dr Ng started with lecture first.. I reached school at around 10.30.. my dad drove to school in a mere 10 mins! goodness!! It takes me 40 minutes!! Amazing k.. So anyway, I sat down, drank my coffee (I grabbed a bottle on my way out from home..) and then in another 10-15 mins or so.. the test started.. so yeah I heaved a sigh of relief.. Then.. I went to check my mail.. and realised that AMP can't help me with getting my sample for my ISM..sigh! Back to square one.. Any ideas?? Met Andrea and Arfah for lunch before my next class..and yeah..things got better..

But you know, the news I heard from Arafah, that her friend's brother passed away, really got to me.. here I am fretting non-stop..about the litte little things in life, and yesh I do so cos I am a whiny human being.. and yet, hearing the news puts things into perspective..there are so much more things more important..and I need to start appreciating my parents, family and close frens more.. all the people who are always helping me and who I have been taking for granted..

And to Ratna, even though I don't really know you or your brother, I have a feeling he was a really nice person, because it was raining the whole of today. May Allah bless his spirit.

Hot AIR!!

Before I start cursing or sounding very bitchy.. Let me shout out a super duper cooper throoper big big THANK YOU to OYEAH!!!! She was so so sweet I tell you.. from school she followed me to MENDAKI so that I could get their research report on Skills Redevelopment Programme.. Wah weet weet.. SO SWEET!!! SO SO very the thank you girl!! It's always all these wonderful things that make 'uncontrollable' things bearable... Arafah..Terima khasih eh.. listen to all my grumbling tho' you got more stressful life changing issues to deal with.. in your own words... gua chaya sama lu (correct???) And 2 sweet ppl who by chance saw me walking and listened to all my ramblings in a very very loud voice ( I SWEAR i think I was shouting at the top of my lungs) - Murshidah and Fareez (leh..I haven study enuf for Gender test on thur!! Thanks for the reminder!) and then to Andrea, Arfah and also her chinese fren..thanks thanks.. the coffee helped plus the laugher and jokes.. and Maria for talking to me on the phone.. sampai handphone batt mati... wakkakaka Thanks ah.. SERIOUSLY ranting and raving keeps me sane.. and thanks for listening..and to all the ppl who always say 'haiya its ok' pls ah i hope next time I won't tell you worries.. cos all I want is EMPATHY!

ok.. so here goes.. I hate ppl who are composed of hot air.. what do I mean by hot air.. I mean harlow..if you not sure u can get it.. dun lah go say for certain u can do it.. THAT IS SO MY PET PEEVE.... DUN LIKE HOT AIR AND N.A.T.O!!

I really dun know what to do for tommorrow's ethic handup seh.. Have no clue.. Just goin to write out the questions and hopefully something comes up and everything goes well..
Ya Allah, pls give me the strength..

Still need to read for gender test some more.. insya allah..

Angelic~!

Nice?? Nice?? Very angelic kan kan kan.. Hahhaah.. Picture was taken during Arafah's bro wedding..

Having the sunlight shinning behind us.. "Like a ray of light.."

Great I am getting crappy..Need my mcdonalds fix for breakfast..(Arfah..will call u in a while!)

LINDA!! I had fun!! Thanks girl!! I suddenly got Da spirit to do work (spirit~ cos I procrastinated)

Right now, I sound incoherent and crazy.. Oh well..Toodles!

STUCK!!

Rite now I am stuck.. stuck as anyone can be.. so stuck stuck stuck..

I really feel like my heels have gotten stuck in the stupid crack, and it broke and I am left spinning.. and spinning but there ain't no one there to save me.. AARRGGHHH!!

I am getting so stuck wit my ISM..so stuck that I dun even put in enuf effort or the effort required.. Why? Cos' I am shuttin down on that blarrdy stuff.. shall take a break.. go for a nice dinner.. Hopefully Linda can spur me on!!

YELL FOR THE UNDERDOGS!!

This post is dedicated to all the underdogs.. Goodness I was so so into "Battle of the reality stars".. Best... and what made it 'more best' is how the light blue team, managed to beat every single team along their way... call it luck.. nah!! I dun think so.. perhaps 'luck' helped a tinny weeeny bit but I think the desire and hunger to succeed and prove their old groupmates wrong, pulled the group together!! I really like the ending tho' when Bradford said that Mr Trump got what he paid for and if he is looking for great to go and call him.. hahhahaa.... and Heidi is such a sour puss.. oh pluss!!!! "White trash" Wonder who she was referring to... akakkaa...

Anyway.. (since I sooo lurve getting lessons out of the unusual things in life) this episode shows... that we can triumph if we really want to so badly.... whatever ppl may think and whatever the odds..

Hopefully.. the fire in my belly will be 're' charged up.. seriously.. I don't know where it has gone lately... been procrastinating lah.. and just taking so long to getting SOME work done...

so yeah.. FIRE UP!!

hahahah that can come later tonite lah.. now goin to dinner with family.... :)

And so I digress...

My powers of digression and also procrastination amazes me sometimes.. anyway, took this Handwritting Personality Quiz.. and this what it says ..

The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry. You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones. You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present. You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody! You are self-confident and like to bring attention to yourself.

Correct ke?? Lor?? Betul ke?? hahhaa but I kinda agree with it!!

okok..this time, I really will get back to work!

Alls Well!!

It has been so long that I woke up early on a monday and manage to squeeze some form of work in.. and by early I mean up and showered by 10.30.. (anyone who knows me would agree!! ahaha) The get away trip with mum and littlest bro over the weekend to Jakarta was brilliant.. Met Auntie Lina and her daughter Sisca.. It has been such a long time.. It's nice to see someone who have managed to overcome illness (she got Hep C from blood transfusion!!) and look so good at age 60 without plastic surgery and remain 'clean' (NO KORUPSI) in that country.. Going away with just me and littlest bro was fun since it gave me 'alone' time with mum to jus chat to her.. 'ngobrol-ngobrol' as the Javanese would say, and get some things off her mind.. and with my little brother I kinda know how to play 'bidamon' (wonder if I spelled that correctly).. This 'thingy' is actually the 'old school' marbles game man!!

Alls Well in my land rite now!! Friends great!! (Thanks Edleen!!) Everything ok on the home front!! and School is currently swell and fine and fun too!!

Adios!! Shall get back to work before goin to school later!! Oh yesh..been sooooo craving for a manicure..Just realised that my nails are really thin!!

Blankness..

Dunno what to call this entry.. But told Mushi on Thursday after dinner I would upload the lyrics of the song that she suddenly blurted out singing.. hahaha.. EARWORM!!

Anyway.. met Mushi on Thursday after lessons..and we went for Dinner after that.. Girl..thanks thanks for listening to me.. pathetic fallacy lah.. why? it was drizzling and it was dark! Had KFC in Clementi.. She was shaking (to warm herself?) hahah cos it was cold in there.. I wanted to buy the new Sugarbabes CD.. love one of their songs especially.. "Ugly"'s the title.. I love the part especially which goes...
"People are all the same And we only get judged by what we do Personality reflects name And if I'm ugly then So are you So are you Everybody talks bad about somebody And never realises how it affects somebody And you bet it won't be forgotten Envy is the only thing it could be"
Nice rite!!!! Bet it could apply to almost every individual.. Best best best!! Oh yeah back to finding the CD..do you know I was walking around Clementi and I could not find any CD shop? NONE?!! Is it me? Or is it that the people there don't buy CD?? By the time I got back it was too late to go to the other music shops..Strange!!

Oh yeah.. back to the song that Mushi sang.. so anyway, we were walkin in the rain (was only drizzling) and then she started singing the song from Land Before Time "If we hold on together" by Diana Ross..ahahha I haven heard the song for a long time..but it was apt for the situation!!

Anyway, I think the lyrics are great!!!
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far Don't throw it
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story Faith, hope & glory
Hold on to the truth in your heart
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by For you and I.

Souls and the wind must
Learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley Mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay..

Words currently in my mind

Bah-rem-you! Bah-rem-You!!

Dengkulmuanjelok! Dengkumuanjelok!!

I'm a SURVIVOR!

No one to get my back!! (Linda laughed at this one!! And yesh I know it sounds very 50 cents!!)

Bah! Bah! Bah!

K rite now those are the things in my mind! Not that intelligent huh?!

1st Day of School

1st day of school.... can't really find a sole single word to describe it.. it started well..Met Huixuan who just came back from Aussie. She graduated already and is contemplating on the 'right job' for her. Lab work? or Sales? And so the debate shall continue..

How was class?? Let's just say I miss having a table.. This class doesn't even have the chairs with attached table..It's just chairs.. I gather its going to be a lil' tricky writing notes in class especially since I am such a klutz!

It rained today..and I got a nice pink umbrella.. Real happy with that! Well..really miss having Nornie in class suddenly.. Such a cheer and joy to have her.. NORNIE.!! I bet she misses me too.. (she better)

Let's just say... I hope to do things in the right spirit..and Insya Allah..everything will work itself out the way it is supposed to!

Hope this positive outlook of mine remains thro' out the semester!

And the anxiousness starts to creep in..

Waduh Waduh!! Was printing all the outlines for my modules since classes start tommorrow..and looking at the amount of readings and the work requirements for each, wah!! can faint!! (Spin around, hand on forehead...spin around again.. scream ..arrrgghh....and then fall down gracefully!!) hahha ok lah nonsense a bit.. But yeah the point is..That is a lot of work man.. Haiya kinda regretting the fact that I did an extra module for PS which I could have done for SW.. But since this is the new year, and I want to look at things on a positive side.. shall smile, smile, and then try to do the work as best as I can..

and the rain is brilliant huh...(not when you are caught in it) But rain makes the temperatures drop and prevents make-up from being oily..

My new clean room!!

Yesh!! A sense of accomplishment.. I finally cleaned up my room.. put things in drawers and re-arranged the furnitures.. Its amazing I tell u!!

I put all my drawers together and arranged them from the tallest to the shortest.. Neat huh?? So proud of myself! And there is a sort of design to it some more!! Wow!

And space! Finally after I put all the clutter away, and moved my bed against the wall, there is walking space in my room.. Re arranging your room and having walking space is amaing I tell you.. Its like a wall has been hacked. Physically and mentally it feels so much better!

And look..no more clutter on the floor!! See Arfah next time you come you don't have to trip and tip toe around my stuff hahhaa...

No..I am not narcassistic to put the same picture 2 times but Arfah said that I should give credit where credit is due.. So here it goes..THis is me, with Arfah's teddy bear, given my Andrea. It's name is Pon.. (hahha happy now Arfah?! and yup it looks cute) Why did I take a picture with the bear instead of her? Well I tried to..She didn't want to..Killing time and saw her bear on her bed so I decided to take picture with it instead!!

A new year...

The new year is here!! I think for me, the past 2 years just came and past very quickly, and I never sat down to take stock of whatever happened... And so..here are some pictures which carries so much memories for me.. Its so surprising to realise that there are some good friends who I never took any pictures with.. and in no relevant order...

Pictures N Memories

My 4 best pals in secondary school from left, Edleen, me, Sharifah, and Salina.. It was taken after I finished my A levels.. We all went to NUS to visit Salina who was warded for asthma! I really miss all you 3 girls.. Its been so long since we last sat down and just chat huh.. Tiny picture of me and Edleen during secondary 4 talentime.. We sang such a sweet song..And lastly picture of us together when we had lunch somewhere this year..

Since all my good friends will know by know, I am a total clutz and a hazzard.. So What accident did I land Edleen in..hahah I am sure there were plenty but the one that really stands out is the one in Secondary One where I tripped over a tiny step in the parade square, and in the process pushing Edleen. Salina was in front of us..but since she could only safe one of us, she saved me..and Edleen fell down, blacked out for a while and chipped her front tooth..hehe but all is well..she had it pasted already.. Well that sparked the start of a brilliant friendship.

Thank you Edleen dear for being there all the time, and just a phone call away..and like you always say.. don't say I don't know..because you know..


Lets describe the pics first:
Picture 1: Arfah, Nornie, and me during raya this yr. Picture 2: Me, Nornie, Arti and Hannah during JJ nite in Yr1. Picture 3: Me and Arfah (I held Arfah hostage. She refused to had her picture taken). Picture 4: Nornie (I found this picture of her. ALONE! on my hp. I think it was taken last semester when we were studying and she got bored)

Well..loved every single one of them.. Arti was with me the first ever time I drove alone mind you..Hehhe got into a minor blotch up at first and then got totally lost..Her mouth was utterly "masin" (sure to come true). She said as we were on our way to hannah place "we sure to pass by school" and we did..we went to JJC which was in Jurong, when we were actually from School in Clementi going to Bukit Panjang..hahha Totally the wrong way! But it was fun..and she was really patient with me! And for the many occasions where she allowed me to just be chaotic and stressed and her just telling me to relax!

And Nornie..humm..I don't think I ever got her into trouble though..But I really love her company all the time..I miss having someone to bitch about in social work class, or going to lunch after that and stoning and 'spotting' exam questions with utter laughter..Must go out soon yeah! And remember all the shopping....

Must thank Hannah for all the shopping tips..and always telling me to relax!!

And now, Arfah's turn..This girl got it real bad in terms of my 'clutzness'..hahah the many times I grabbed on her when I almost fell on the escalator..But the emmy prize has to go to this particular time when I pushed her down the stairs of the lecture theater in science. Why? it was break time, I missed one step..and then in slow mo..I could see all the many steps going pass me one by one..but no..I could not step on any one of them..then I saw the door..so I held my hand outstretched..and low and behold..it was Arfah coming to the door..she broke my fall..hahahha Just as she was about to get angry (I am sure it hurt huh babe!) I had this pathetic face of mine going "I tripped! So Sorry!" SO yeah..she didn't scold me..hahha So now..she has gotten used to it already...Well thanks ya for talking to me all the time, listening to my whining..and then everytime I need to do something without clarity, become my partner in crime..Remember the time when we were learning to drive and I told you and Andee the wrong bus to take and we ended up close to an army camp..hahhahaha

Picture of me and ND. Well girl..don't get angry with me. I do have nicer picture of us but I think this picture really capture whatever we have to always go true together..Hard times in school!! :)

So many stories of us being lost together..Remember how blur we were when we wanted to register to learn driving? And the many stories we have of Econs during JJ..and also the so many late nite phone calls where you helped to keep me sane?? I really appreciate our friendship babe..Thanks for everything..

Picture of me and Mushi..hahah don't the both of us look really coy? (See Mushi I didn't put any incriminating photos of you..and yesh ok I do have them!) With Mushi, she always took precaution not to be pulled into accidents cos of dear old me..Just wanted to thank you for the many wonderful times we have in school, especially while studying till we were mad in NUS. Its so hard to remain sane if not..And do help me keep my sanity next semester yeah.. Lets work to our plan of having hair cuts together and going for spas together.. Like I say, its the frienships which have been tested but remains that endures..SO let's just remember the good times..

Picture of me with Yani..(she was actually trying to take a picture of Faiza I think) Got close to her in uni..but especially this semester cos we were studying together and took a subject together..Really love the 'post-law' lesson drive where we would talk about private stuff!! Gerek u!

Picture of me and Linda..Even though we are worlds apart..and I do mean WORLDS! I can understand her and her, understand me..You will never be able to guess how much your point of view of things really enrich me..That is why everytime I am troubled, I give you a ring..and the many ingenious off-hand jokes!



Picture of me and Arafah..What can I say? Thank you for the wonderful frienship over the years.. "temaning" me in all my errands..I was just having flashbacks of the times when we were relief teaching and with lotsa KKChing to spare where we will meet up after work and eat and shop..wah best..Very carefree ways.. Though times have changed..and you have become a mother..thank you for still making time for me, and always lending me a listening year to all my little whinnyness though you got your own stuff to deal with.. I hope and pray that this new year will bring you lots of happy and new things..and seriously girl, motherhood has changed you..and through you, I can see that motherhood makes a person less selfish..


And well, lets just end with a picture of me..(hahah how narcassistic!) There are so many other people who have made such a great impact in my life and provided me with so much love and support.. Jannah for one.. who I don't have a picture of. oh yeah..ok of hand just remembered how I pasted her to the side of the bus cos' I flew when the bus jerked to a stop and she cushioned my fall!hahha.. and so many of my other friends.. It has seriously been such a long time since I took stock of whatever I have. I hope this year will be the start of new things to come..God willing.. To a more positive outlook and to just take whatever comes with an open mind and heart!