The weeks leading up the New Year was nothing but FANTABULOUS!!!!!!! all the way from 16 Dec 2007.. Had a family gathering, had friends gathering, had lots and lots of pressies, went to chill in KL with my family doing nothing but shopping. Came back to Singapore and forced myself to clear my cupboard and rearranged the clothes I had.....
The only thing bad I could think of happening was cutting my thumb when I cut my cake during the family gathering.. haha nothing like a lil' bit on blood on a happy occasion (GOsh, totally sounding like Countess Dracula)
While work in the office has been piling, and at times I feel like I'm going to just collapse. However, the support has been great. I've sort out some beef I had with my boss and also had found some good collegues.. DO I dare to think of them as friends? Dunnno. Really Dunno. I dun dare to even invite them home yet.. haha so yea.. But I was very shocked at the pressies they bought me. I went on leave during my bdae (18 dec) all the way till 26 Dec.. and when I came back.. Oh la la... I had so much things! I had a new hello kitty keyboard, brooch, locket, loewe coin purse and also dior make up set! Oh la la.. SHocked you know very shocked.. THey really knew what I wanted and bought it for me!!! When I came to office, I was jumping around like a crazy bunny.. well until I was given the new case. But still, I was jumping around like a crazy bunny.. Very happy...
Then it was work, and I felt tired...waking up everyday.. I really think my health is not as good now.. cos' I've gained too much weight. heavy then become tired... okok.. But.. coming back to the point.. me, arfah, mushi planned to spend time with yani.. make her happy and also spend New Year together..Everything started out well.. we were laughing and all..then we moved to Arab St.. then who did I chance upon? Him la.. the him who I haven't seen for the past 2 yrs or so.. The him who I used to share my thoughts, feelings, everything.. and the him who I kinda put out of my mind cos' he was out of sight.. truth is, I was damn shocked to see him on New Years Eve.. very the DENG rite.. Held on to Mushi's arm quite tightly... Think she quite blur and did not know what was happening la cos' she probably thought it was me going to fall down. okok so anyway.. things went ok.. I went to eat murtabak.. and then went to East Coast..walk walk.. talk a bit..took a long drive.. and then... when I come home..found him msg me on facebook?! hello what happened to sms ah..why ah? you want me to snoop around is it?! entah eh.. Just feel very loser la.. it's like he has his education now, his new girl..me? dunno eh.. just feel loser that I dun have anyone special in my life..thanks to Nick, Yani, Arfah and ND who put things in perspective.. Yup.. shock la shock la.. Move on..
Ok.. So.. 2007 - how wld I put it.. A HUGE LEARNING JOURNEY!!!!!!!!!! HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!! Started the year with a rude shock.. Had an extremely mean client who frightened the shit out of me.. I went to bed at times dreaming that he would hit me. Was very scared dealing with him. I remember crying and shaking and could not even see him. My AM was extremely reassuring. Handled it for me. Processed the situation with me. Then there was this other group of ppl who got me my favourite choc so that I will be reassured... Then came the beef with my boss.. Dunno what first started it but I felt extemely unsupported. Didn't help that I was feeling stressed and I was comparing the help she gave another officer as compared to me. I felt so unfairly treated. A feeling I hated. But through that time, nice ppl sat with me, helped me. And that made me stay on in the job. I almost quit. At different times, I almost wanted to tender my resignation. So with the inputs and shit stiring from different sides..I felt more and more angry.. But Alhamdulilah. I am able to calm down and think things thro. I found strength to talk to my boss. Before that, I went to talk to my mentor. Had a dinner with her. Processed with her what I was going to say. and on that day, I found the strength to be honest with my boss, really honest. I must say, a cloud was lifted on that day. I cried. I cried in front of her towards the end. Cos' I realised her limitations were due to the fact she aint perfect cos' she was human and that I wasnt perfect too. I cried because I felt relief. Relief at the thought that she was not picking on me. She was able to see my strength. I learnt that I needed to trust myself more. I realised I had a good boss. She could handle me. I am a rather hard officer to handle. She could handle my honesty and sometimes bluntness with poise, respect and openess.
I also found time to spend more time with my friends. I think I have made choices. Some friends, I make concerted effort to spend time with them. Other friends, a Hi and Bye. Other friends, well.. Humm..wonder what happened to them.
I realised that I am a happier person (except for the day when I met him la..cos' shocked). I take things in my stride. I've learnt to juggle. To be stressed, hyperventilate and breathe. I learnt that I can do things. I also learnt to trust myself. So what lies in 2008?
Very importantly, I need to realise that I deserve to be loved by a special person. I don't think I have realised that. I have to learn that I come first. I have to learn that I need to put in effort to look good. I need to learn that it is important to put in effort to make myself feel good. I need to learn that I need to enjoy and let go. I need to learn that work is work, life is life and that life, in its complexity, is actually simple.
So what is my new years resolution
1) Take time to wear make up to work
2) Take time to exercise
3) Take time to have regular facials
4) Take time to say No and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
5) Take time to travel (hoping that Uzbekiztan and Moscow becomes a reality)
6) Do my work well, act as a professional, be a professional
7) Make time for friends and family
8) Widen my social circle
9) Fall in love if I can (doesn't mean it has to be a relationship - miss the fuzzy feeling in the tummy wummy)
10) Be a good daughter and sister
11) FALL IN LVOE WITH MYSELF