Thursday, December 29, 2005

A new year..

It has been a long time since I last blog..ahhaha not as if anything out of the world has happened to me.. with the exception of going to KL with my family (with so many ppl from my area also going) and now down with food poisoning. (the pooing and vomitting has subsided tho)

Updates on what I have managed to achieve:

1. Managed to get a hair cut
2. Got a massage (sponsored by mummy dearest)
3. Cleaned up my room (somewhat la..threw away so much stuff and my study table can actually be used..hahhaha just that I havent shifted the furnitures around, which according to Arfah will make my room bigger)

Funny how I actually can't wait for the new school semester. Bought my stationary already!! And this coming semester will mark the end of my schooling life, which has been really full of ups and downs, me learning about so much, and most importantly learning about myself.

An sms by this beng fren of mine really got me reminising back to my secondary school life. Back in secondary school, well my parents were my no.1 enemies. With mum so busy trying to get work together, my dad living abroad, I was very much alone, frustrated and angry (I did't know that I was just needing some parental love back then and it was all mere acting out) Mom was rather disappointed with my results and me going to a crappy secondary school. So while I got into the best class in secondary 1 (which wasn't hard since you only needed 188 aggregate to get to express) it was a downward spiral for me then on. I didn't manage to stay there.. Went to the middle class (hahaha there were only 3 express class) and only had to study 6 subjects. So my teenage life was really fun, fun, fun. It wasn't about projects, or studying. Got to secondary 3 barely passing. My class shrinked though from 40 to 25. The rest had to stay back. But school was still a big big blast. Met people who continues to be the best of my friends till today. My beng friends like Hao Yan and Zehai, who always told me to study while they didn't and who still call and message me now from time to time to make sure I still study and do some work. Zehai had the most fun in secondary school. He spent 6 years there..hahhahaa played too much lah. and Hao Yan only 5. And then, there were my 4 best girl friends. Its funny how they got into trouble, but especially for Salina, i can remember, always prevented me from getting into any trouble. I remember this one incident when she scolded someone who wanted me to smoke. Hahhaha cute kan..But she smoked a lot lah... and then there is Sharifah, who disappears and then reappears from time to time. THen finally, my very dear friend, Edleen. She knows me inside out and we used to fight a lot ok. hahah that is why there wasn't any grievances. When we were angry with each other in class, we would just shout it out (no one would care lah not like they were listening) But I love her loads. ALways a believer in me. and always just a phone call away. Thanks for everything gurl!! Memories of secondary school will always remain close to my heart.

Then, miraculously I made it to JC. I tell you the first day of 1st 3 months were the loneliest for me. I has no one. I remembered going to JJC and then calling HY "eh, I think I wanna go home lah". His reply "eh..just go in lah. U special what. Dun be stupid lah" hahha so yeah I stuck around. Was totally surprised by the whole orientation. Back where I was from (i.e secondary school, we didnt do all these orientation games) made a good friend Mol, who was also in the same class for the 1st 3 months with me. We were always late for school back then, or went back half way..

1st 3 months came and went quickly (many thanks to HY who sent me to school to give me support or was on the phone though he had to go to work the next day..I miss McDonalds breakfast with you!!) Proper schooling started..met Arafah, Arfah and Nornie during orientation. Was fun..Everlasting friendships ok babe!! If not I sure to hunt you girls down.. Many thanks to Andrea who helped me through A levels, I helped her with history and she helped me with lit. Econs is another different episode...hahhaa. Had great fun during the CHina trip with Mushi.. who I drove mad with my antiics..(eh, pls destroy my incriminating pictures!!hahah) My class was loads and loads of fun. So was drama, and in yr one debates..Malay girls were heaps of fun..

And so.. I am currently running the last lap of my education run ~ Uni..What can I say about it? Its really colourful. I became another person in Uni I must say..I lost my spark somewhere down the line, and became rather anal at times, and I lost that sense of "I can do anything". Sad!
University actually made me feel inferior. And with me failing in Yr 1 semester 2, I always had this nagging feeling behind me, telling me I could fail..Which I have never felt before. Previously, It was always, "haiya I can do it if I want to..if cannot or dun want, can do something else". Its sad that I only realised this now, but a late realisation is better than never. Worst things could have happen. I am determined to enjoy my last semseter, with the feeling that I can do anything if I want to. GIve my best..and let fate determine the rest..

ps/ Thank you to that special person who helped me a lot emotionally through my uni days and always believed that I could do it. I have really grown as a person from the experience! :)

My relationship with my parents improved greatly over the years. It is the best now I must say. How? I think it was during JC when my mum said sorry to me for not being there for me. And an apology from a parent, is very powerful. It marked a different chapter and different way of relating between her and me.. She still misses those times she was away from me though. From my childhood (cos she was traveling so much) and secondary school. Everytime we go into a departmental store she will say "how I wish I could have buy all of this" and I will say "yeah, cos you didnt have a chance to do that for me" and we will just have a twinkle our eyes and laugh.

ok so 22 years of living is really not long, but so far, I am so so glad that I met so many nice people along the way. People who always have my back... God have been really kind to me..

Shall stop now, and leave with a long quote my mum messaged me the other day..

Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dreams. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success.
If you believe you cannot do something, it makes you incapable of doing it. But when you believe you can, then you acquire the ability to do it even if you didn't have it in the very beginning.


Popeye said...

Your mom's quote is similar to what Blake said in "The Poison Tree". I really liked it because of how true it actually is.

Mushi said...

Damn..ur entry made me reminisce too...torn b/w smiling and cringing at my antics during jc days....but its great fun yeah...and im glad we got closer in least we're more mature now..or so i hope! :)

Wati said...

I think we are in character more terms of antics..hahah that one another matter all together kan.. But real friendships are the ones that have been tried and tested..and yet bear no grudges! :)

Edleen said...

god really love you.... thou you were prone to so many nonsense stuff which i got into, there were people who was there for you when your parents werent. people who care for you knowing your purity. not letting you fall and be a victim or letting you choose to be useless. appreciate it darling... god adores you.

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