Tuesday, December 19, 2006

It Din Turn Out Da Way I Tot It Will Be

Today, is/was? can't decide which one to use.. anyway.. my Bdae... It started out well... and fun.. I had a pedi.. I spent time with my close gal pals... (shoutout to Arfah and Linda!!) Thanks babes.. You made my day.. Went shopping and loved getting bdae greetings the entire day... Bottom line the first part of my day went nice, well, fun, the way I tik I want my Bdae to turn out..

When I got home.. Haiz.. It's not what I thought it would be (I love the thought and care my brothers put into my presents...THo' they drive me insane, I tik I love them lots..No I don't think.. I do..) Anyway.. It's a family tradition to have bdae dinner together..and whereever it is.. It's always full of laughter and fun..But not this time for me... Mum was still in office at 8.30 p.m. so we went late..and Dad spent time in the golf course... And what I just couldn't stand it was when dad apologised for not being able to get me a present tho' he had the intention to cos he was busy.. Blardy F**ing hell..You had the time to play golf..Three holes at that..and you stopped cos of the rain... PLs lah.. I can't stand it when people give stupid excuses.. Dun want to do say so... It's about the effort man.. Whatever lah... ANd I cld see that he also like so tired at first and can't be bothered... So anyway, mum came late..sat down, asked me a qn and before I cld answer prop...dunno what lah she turned her attention to something else..Yesh I get it that she is busy and have a lot of work commitments but pls lah jus put it asider... Pet Peeve... If you ask me a qn..WAIT for me to ans..If you didnt want my ans to begin with, don't ask... Was so glad that Arfah was messaging me during dinner..I was so disappointed and angry.. I just kept quiet..So my dad asked me what are my plans with my friends and also what I did today..and he was like..wah they spent so much time with you..OKies lah I was so pissed I became sarcastic and said.."well, we can choose our friends, I wldnt want to spend time with ppl who didn't think I mattered or put the time". I kept quiet after that..and he tried to make short conversation.. Whatever lah.. And so I tik he cld sense that I was pissed lah.. Pls lah I am seldom sarcastic..but here I was so sarcastic and quiet.. So anyway, we went for dessert. ANd guess what Mum was all "oh... I am so tired blah blah blah.....But we went anyway.. Mum actually slept while Dad and Brother waited in line.. Wah kao.. Ok lor fine you don't want to talk and you want to show how tired you are..fine... I can't be bothered. And Mum went all like..oh no I don't want this I don't want that..It pissed Dad...and I was trying so hard okies not to burst out crying and just walk out of the dinner. .. it was the most horrid experience.... PLs lah if you are really tired..and don't want to put in the effort..then Don't.. Seriously... Crap... I didn't even bother to cut the cake lah.. Darrn it..I wun even touch it..Call it being petty..What the Hell.. I am entitled to being angry too.. Whatever lah.. But for the sake of my brothers and father I just tried to joke and all.. Guess what..I got so sad at home when my mum took this card that she bought but had not even written anything in it..PLs lah..Can't even spend some time is it ?? Is that all that I am worth.. I can't stand it.. I always have to put up the happy brave front and comfort everyone at home.. Yesh I admit I am lucky..But ppl don't see the effort that I put in.. And seriously, My family esp my parents have been taking me for granted.. Yesh its true..my mum wld sometimes msg me telling me what a wonderful daugther I am..blah..blah..to me..talk is cheap.. If anyone realli know me.. They wld know I dun reli care for presents..at the end of the day, spending QUALITY time with ppl I love and ppl who matter to me..that is what i crave for and want.. Maybe for some one bdae (My parents) I sld jus not bother..But I don't have the heart to do that.. Arrghh..Tommorrow wld be a better day.. Mum went .. oh tom, we do something, I pass you belated present. I just went...No, I spending time with my SW friends. FULL STOP. and I looked away.. WHATEVER!! I can't stand not being treasured... Arrghh..Not with money and all.. But seriously with heartfelt, sincere attention.

May tommorrow be a beter day.. I starting work!!! and I am 23 now

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