Monday, April 17, 2006

SCARED

I am SCARED!.. Yup... scared that is what I am.. I am scared becos' I really don't know where I am headed to after NUS.. I am scared because I don't want a job that I do just for the sake of money. I am scared because I think so many things have changed. I am scared because I feel that people I know have grown up in one way or another and a huge part of me want things to remain the way they have always been. I am scared because I want so much for myself. I am scared because I think that I have in a way become a very different person. I am scared because, well before J.C. no one really expected anything from me.. It was ok for me to do badly. ANd then from then on, everything seems possible. Before JC, I had NEVER dreamt of goin into uni .. never... it wasn't it my repertoire of speech even.. ever.. hais.. and now I am exitin from NUS soon.. As much as I am proud of myself, I just feel that the undergrad life has been fun.. and there is just so much more that I could have done that I didn't .. I feel like I wasted so much time I don't know doing what... I am scared.. Will there be friendships to be made in the 'real world'? Are people mean out there? Will I be able to keep the friendships that I have all these years with all my wonderful good friends of mine? Honours year also marked new friendships, and truth be told, I would have hoped to have the chance to meet all of you earlier.. But I am sure everything has it's own place and time. and well.. It's my time to get out of school, but where should I be heading to? Does anybody know? I sure don't. Oh yeah.. and I am scared that I will be lonely.. So yeah.. I AM SCARED!!

This song just came to my mind:

Mariah Carey's - Do you know where you're going to? Theme song from Mahagony

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?

Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies that filled our minds
You knew how I loved you, but my spirit was free
Laughing at the questions that you once asked of me
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?

Now looking back at all we've had
We let so many dreams just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long before we see
How sad the answers to those questions can be?
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?

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